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THE MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE OF AN ORDINARY HUMAN

That day, when I went from the kitchen to my living room, I entered into time and space and I became eternal. I don't know how it happened, and why. It just did. It was just a normal spring day, the sun was starting to hit my skin and the big window of my living room, facing the yellowish buildings of a central area of Rome was open towards infinity.  It felt scary, to enter into time and space and to became eternal. For a second or so I just stayed there, astonished. Me, into time and space expanding like oil on a surface, like the horizon when you are at the top of a mountain. Me, a newborn, seeing the light for the first time. A single cell, absorbed into the One. In that moment I had confirmation of the various levels of reality, and of the reality as most of us perceive it, objects, constructions, matter: an illusion of our restricted minds, a delusion; the restricted view of fearful beings, entangled in smallness created by thirst of control, and lack of faith. There, inside
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THE DILEMMA

                                        His life had not been wasted, in the dept of desperation he had to dig deeper, to find the gold, his true self: was it the essence of his soul? What it an invisible, all permeating substance expressing uniquely though his own uniqueness? What was it, if not love? What was it, if not the creative assertion of a benevolent God? What was it, if not the freedom of the spirit, the expression of a joyous invincible child governed with self love and attention to move to his full potential, to find his unique way, himself, his beauty, the universal reason he was placed here, like all of us, to serve and express gratitude to God through realising his own unique creative essence; a joyous child, contained by wisdom and humbleness, and moving, into the realisation of his own perfection, exactly as he was when given birth? What was it, this painful search into the dept of darkness and terror, if not a life time journey, in a world of essence disguised and dr

ARE WOODSTOCK & SNOOPY CODEPENDENT?

Are Woodstock & Snoopy Codependent? OR are They Working on a Common Project? And if, which is the Project? Here is a list of possibilities (not final or exhaustive): 1. Piss Off Charlie Brown and make him eternally jealous and more perfectionist than ever, by their love for one another and having Charlie facing his perceived failure of being loved by the ‘5 Cents problem solver’ control freak, even if playing for her for years on end, the best Moonlight Sonata on his piano ever played by a kid under 10 (and not Asian, specifically Chinese of Japanese). 2. Write the best novel of the “Siecle” ever written by a non-human entity but not a AI non-entity? 3. None of the above but they are simply scrolling on Instagram & wasting their precious time in developing a dopamine addiction worse than every other addiction experienced by the human race on a global scale (numbers wise)? 4. The PC is off and Woodstock & Snoopy are connecting emotionally and being in the moment? 5. Woodstoc

THE CAGE OF SHAME

 It was when he was a child, this little boy, called JJ, that he was placed in a cage of shame. The cage was built slowly, a small bar was placed first at his feet so that when he tried to move forward, towards a better place where he could still make mistakes without being judged, or mistreated, he tripped over it, just because he dared, to be human.  The cage was built slowly, like a plastic object built on a D3 printer. The first layer was built when, for the first time his mother didn't praise him when he got an A at school. He interpreted that omission as being told he was not good enough and he felt a shame he could never forget. From that moment he interpreted every gesture and every omission as directly saying to him: 'You are unworthy'. The emotional neglect, the physical abuse and the abandonment did the rest.  So to cover up the shame, the shame of being himself, the shame he did not want to feel because it burned his soul and hurt, like boiling oil poured on the

OUR COMFORT ZONE

We have travelled outside our comfort zone all our life. We were that kind of person who could not go shopping to the same place twice if the shopkeeper was or seemed aggressive. We were that kind of person feeling suicidal if someone would rise their voice. We were that kind of person who was scared of people getting too close to us, or making an abrupt movement.  This is who we were, and still can be, sometimes, when the trauma rises and the darkness arises. Our life, our life has been a painful journey towards self liberation. We, who had to become overachievers to show our value. We, who motivated ourselves with a weep and not with compassion or love. We, the ones who are going towards liberation from the inner critic, the toxic shame and nonexistent self-love. We, the ones going from surviving to thriving through grief and pain and more pain.  Our feet are heavy when we move forward but we take one step at a time. We move with faith, it gives us hope. We move with strength, and co

LITTLE RED HOOD & THE WOLF - A MODERN STORY OF OUR TIMES

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood met the Wolf. The Wolf was masked as a Sheep and Little Red Riding Hood, who never met a Sheep before (or a Wolf) could not recognise the difference between a Sheep and a Wolf. The Sheep was very sweet with her and Little Red Riding Hood found the sheep adorable and she fell in love with him immediately as Little Red Riding Hood generally do being very naive and needy of love and attention. Little Red Riding Hood was very loving and caring, and loved the Sheep fragility and the unconditional love the Sheep showed her at the beginning; later in the years, Little Red Riding Hood fall in love and learned to accept all the character defects of the Sheep, including his older age, his unawareness and the inability to to self reflect and his disproportionate reactions when he was pointed out some drawbacks. During that period little Red Riding Hood thought and wanted to believe that the Sheep was sweet and that the Sheep wanted the best for her as much

HOW TO MAKE YOUR TIME EXPAND?

 Be the owner of your Time. They say time flies. It does if we let it fly, like a kite or a bird. Time, just takes life and off it goes. So, how to keep it under your control? 1. Remember time is gold, is more valuable than anything else. Ask yourself what would you do if today was the last day of your life? How would you spend your time? What would you do? 2. To slow down time and became the owner of your time practice meditation: How? Listen to your breathing. Focus on it and you'll see time will slow down and you'll be the master of it. You'll be sitting in time and you'll be the owner of your time. You'll be connected. You'll feel very calm and relaxed, you'll feel like you are present and strong. Yes the mind will stop focusing on it, yes the thinking will want to take control and predominance again, yes you'll have to focus on the breathing again and again, and again and again. 3. It is your Time. It is yours, like your body, like your property. In

MORNING PAGES

My morning pages. My life pages. My journal pages. My wonderful life pages. My grief pages. My losses pages. My spiritual growth pages. My Sweet Topouschetto and All The Others I have loved pages. My no one else yet pages. My who cares anyway pages. My adolescent pages. My Dani the Sweet Peco pages. My Dani Cucciolo pages. My Dani Nella pages. My Love pages. My hate pages. My God pages. My I am strong as a rock and vulnerable as a snow flake pages. My I am free as I have never been before because I love myself realisation pages. My I validate myself pages. My I allow myself to feel and act accordingly pages. My rigorous honestly pages. The miracles pages. My life pages. I still love because love never ends pages. My wishes pages. My stay in the now pages. My past pages. My father's unconditional love for me pages. My mother's desperation pages. My brother's smile pages. My grandfather who saved my life that day pages. My inconsolable inner child tears pages. My inner beauty

THE JOY OF INTEGRITY

I love David Bowie phrase: ‘We can be heroes just for one day’ because like all poetry,  is universal and can be interpreted in so many ways and it fits us all. When I was becoming authentic I was telling myself: ‘I can be an hero just for one day’ and I was meaning that I could find the courage to be honest just for one day. Being honest and acting with integrity not only means to speak your truth and set boundaries and act in accordance with your values and beliefs but it also means to act by respecting yourself and avoiding arming  situations (people, places and things and thoughts). This is why being an hero is painful, we have to face losses, feelings of rejection, fear of loneliness and abandonment, we have to face our limitations and accept, accept and accept and ask God to take care of us.  When we face and feel the pain the results are immense. We walk straight, we can look ourselves in the eyes when we are in front of a mirror, we can look others in the eyes. Let’s let God ta

MY FRIEND MARIA, THE ONE WHO COULD NOT SAY A SINGLE NO

 Maria couldn't say no. She was stuck in the trauma cycle of her upbringing, of the critical voices she heard and of the shame and guilt she felt when she tried to change. Maria was a product of the ignorance of what it takes to raise a free and an happy child. Someone who is validated and loved. In her childhood Maria received what her parents received and what their parents received too and so on until the beginning of times: invalidation, and nullification; she was just a recipient where her parents discarded all their guilt and shame they could not feel.  Maria could not say no. She was a lost soul. Long time ago when she was a child she had to choose to abandon and negate herself to receive the attachment needed to survive, to receive a little bit of love, just enough to be able to survive. My sweet sweet friend Maria.  Maria was a victim of unawareness and desperation. In the long term she forgot who she was and became a persona, a facade where from she could face a pseudo li

THE THOUSAND ROADS HE TOOK

He stopped looking at the past with nostalgia. It happened suddenly, a day when he was in his hometown where he grow up as a child, where his memories laid, the ones which we tend to believe are defining who we are and the way we look at the world, the ones which limits us until we became a little more limitless by stepping in the unknown and taking a risk we have never took before. What made him step into the unknown was the pain of the comfort zone, the place where everything repeated itself over and over again, in a trauma cycle of which we all are most unaware of, the place where there is nothing new, but only the past, and the nostalgia.  That day, in that moment, nothing in that place meant more to him than what it would mean to anyone else who was not born there and did not have any memories attached to that place. Yes, he loved the Neoclassic buildings and their splendor and their magnificence which he used so many times to feel better about himself; and the sea and the wind, b

HOW SHAME AND GUILT ARE CONNECTED

We all feel shame, even those who try to avoid feeling it at all costs. Shame is a good feeling, it helps us understand when we have acted against our values, against what we believe is correct, when we have acted with a behaviour that is not always adhering with the idea of justice, but more connected to what we have been told is 'right' from our family or our culture which generally is reflected in our family belief system and drive our actions. Shame is just blame reversed toward the self. If we stop blaming ourselves for being imperfect (or for having made the same mistake over and over again) we will not feel the shame. Because there is not shame to feel if there is not wrong doing.  The problem then is to analyse which are our values, our beliefs and our actions and if they are really something we 'should' really feel shame for.  For example we could feel shame for 'abandoning someone' when separating from a person, or for not 'being helpful' even

THE GIFTS OF GOD

 A long time ago there was a little girl, her parents called her Giolidama because they loved her so much.  Her father was a sailor, he loved the sea, the wind, the turbulent skies and solitude. He always said that only in solitude greatest accomplishment can happen (and I think he did not take it from Picasso who somehow seemed to have said: "without great solitude, not serious work is possible", but it was his own thought) ; her mother was a idealist, she loved perfection and had a inner belief (obviously not based on facts, because we all know perfection is just an idealisation sometimes based on fear and shame) that she could attain it and, if she could, everyone else could to; she was beautiful because the man loved beauty and in her he always saw the hand of God crafting with love. The mother loved the man, his vehemence, his directness and the immense tenderness he showed her because the love he felt for her was infinite, and unconditional, as only real love can be. G

A LITTLE LONELY LOVE AS BIG AS THE UNIVERSE...

There was a time when I thought I had found the love of my life. It was a wonderful time. It was the most beautiful time of my life. The love time. The joy time. The happy time. The miracles time. The cuddles time. It was the TIME.  There was a time when I had found the love of my life. The Love is still there, all the rest is gone. So, now, there is this lonely Love, sitting alone and hoping to be able to give, to caress, to give tenderness and attention and love. What else a little lonely Love, as big as the universe, can do?   It is a big love this lonely little love, it is as big as the universe but its breathing is shallow because it tries not to feel the loss of the "love giving crap" that it is so much longing for. It is also longing for a person, a face, their skin and their happiness, it is longing to make them happy and more happy and more happy. It is a stupid sad little Love that has strange ideas and believes in miracles. It is a little stupid Love that is not wa

THE RULES ABOUT MIRACLES

We were two, but I was the only one hoping for a miracle or praying for one.  Me and you, together, we could not leave our love suspended any longer, it was like a ghost, our love, sitting in our home where I now stay alone, clinging to it like I do, like it is my only left security, like I am glued to it with a big quantity of newly fresh 'No Nails', to the walls, and the doors and the hallways, and the grey view from my back window. Here where I see you and me and us and our gestures, here where I've heard the silence of our unspoken words; here in the place where I have learned what to love means, the place where, over and over again, I hoped for a miracle; where sometimes I felt so close to it, like it was real, the miracle, but it was a hall of mirrors, and at the end of the tunnel the lights were gone. Here the place from where I am not wanting to go away from until the date when the keys will be handed to the Estate Agent, until the day my house new owners will take

NEW NEW NEW POST POST POP POP (Forgive me - a moment of madness...)

 new - new - new - post - post - I pop to you my post post - pop me another post youuuu blogger nigger anger stranger mother fucker  new - new - new -  post - post -  I pop to you my post post - post pop - pop corn - corn cows fields shit - meet me lousy poppy mopey crappy nappy sassy Missy gypsy traveller - hair - flight - nights - pop - right? Samsonite: Eins, Swei, Drei, Vier, Funf pop me another post you blogger nigger anger stranger bloody nothingness  - pop now or never - you - dying being hissing living - crying joying resting moving - popping pills to forgive your mummy's death: Eins, Swei, Drei, Samsonite, Vier, Funf post pop post pop pop - another post pop - woman slave - work in silence - be humble - raise kids - wash trash - sex slave mother fucker - pop pop pills pop never - new - new post you ghost - you most desirable loss - strange words into cost - most worse pop post Nein? Samsonite, Eins, Swei, Drei, Vier, Funf, Eins, Swei, Drei, Samsonite, Vier, Funf...

TODAY

Today is the day, the day I am here, alive; today is the best day of my life. Today is the best day of my life because I am at the peak, at the peak of awareness, at the peak of loving and being loved, at the peak of my time, in this minute, in this moment I am having the best time of my life: I have not future and the past is just a construction to which I look with benevolent eyes as we all do; oh God thanks for your  immense kindness to have made us this way. My friends, my fellows, those who judge me and those who ignore me, you are all there, watching your life passing, watching, a world that perish, watching, you time becoming smaller and experiencing feelings and emotions, hopes, desires, and wishes and the touch of a loved one or the smile of a kid, and the wind in your ears and the rain on your head and a new day, and new night and a moon which from the distance seems somehow like velvet: is it telling you the stories you want to hear tonight?  You my friends, my fellows, you

DOES PARADISE REALLY EXIST?

Some of us take the Bible literally. They believe that Paradise is a location we will go / enter when we die. This was the main interpretation given to the sentence in Luke 23:43 when Jesus said to a thief crucified next to him: "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in Paradise". I am not saying that Paradise, as interpreted by various religion traditions and dogmas, is wrong. Who am I to make such a big / definitive statement? What I am saying and sharing with you is my interpretation of what Paradise is and what it means based on my personal experience.  If I tell you: "I have experienced Paradise several times in my life" you will surely ask: "What do you mean with Paradise?" and, when I give you my answer you will ask: "Are you being honest?", "When did it happen?", "Was it when you transitioned from life to death?"' "How does it feel?" and, obviously: "How did you get there?" and, lastly

IT IS TIME TO GET TO SLEEP BUT I AM AWAKE

 It is time to get to sleep but I am awake. I am awake and I am feeling about a loss; a long lasting loss. I tried to avoid feeling it for a thousand years; with all my heart, with all my self-will, with all I had, and more. Tonight, I am feeling about a long lasting loss. This is the time to go to sleep, you know, but I am awake and I am letting go of a loss. It is painful to let go, it feels like a burn that keeps on burning until a sac of water is created to cool it down. Once it stops burning, you'll feel the emptiness for the loss not being present, you'll feel the emptiness created from the lack of the loss; you'll feel the emptiness instead of the loss and this will be as painful as feeling the loss.  This will be as painful as knowing that what you always had was the loss and not the presence; it was not real, the presence, because when you thought the presence was present, it was just an illusion of your mind; a denial of the truth. a desire of not wanting to feel

HOW TO MOVE DEEPER INTO FREEDOM?

A person last night commented saying that his home is where he can find total freedom. Is this true? Or some of us just delude themselves into believing that their home is the place where they are living they absolute freedom because there are no restrictions beyond the mental ones, such as worries, or fierce self-criticism for example, or forever ruminating on the past or all-consuming anxiety about the future.  I believe freedom is much more than that; a very good point is that we can be free everywhere when our mind is free; when we have reached the faith (or trust) that everything that happens to us in life has a meaning that is simply condensed in our spiritual development; and we live this life as an invaluable gift, and we draw from it, free and grateful, our very essence which is expressed with equal freedom in the vulnerability or our fragile human condition, even there when, in emotional suffering, we obsessively seek and dig deep to still feel immense gratitude for the intri

11 DAYS OF SILENCE ...

  A long time ago I went to Mexico, to visit a cousin who decided to open an Italian restaurant over there. He was in Puerto Escondido which looked like a getto on a beach where hippies and desperadoes met, searching for a solution that was only within, as it always is.  It was one of his many failure: the wrong side of things to which he focuses its attention gets always in his way; there are men made that way, they are constitutionally being unable to be honest with themselves. I tried to make him see his reality, but he did not like to hear the truth and he asked me to leave.   So I left, and I went to Acapulco. A long time ago, when in Acapulco, I did not speak with anyone for 11 days. When I was in silence, after 3 or 4 days, the voice in my head stopped too and then, after experiencing silence for the first time, I became aware silence was not so silent because you can hear it; it has a particular sound, the sound of silence, of contemplation, the sound of the sun when it crashes

A LIE CALLED COMPROMISE

Qui Pro Quo. We believe that being loving to someone means compromising. We believe that to show love we have to give away ourselves. If you want to stop loving someone start compromising and soon your love will disappear, dissolve, vanish into a massive resentment.  True love is not an action against your own desires and needs. True love is being true to yourself. True love is a feeling. True love exists or doesn't. It cannot be created. It cannot be taken from you. It cannot be demanded.   Be strong. You are not egoistic. Be strong. You have your life. It is yours. It belongs to you. God has given it to you. It is His gift to you. You do not have to give it to anyone else. It is yours. Use it as you please.  Those who love you will love your honestly, your integrity and from those qualities they will know you love them because you never lie to them, you never compromise to keep the peace, to save someone or rescue them. You were born free. Freedom is all you have. Be free. Feel f

A FEW WORDS AND SOME HOPE (I HOPE) ABOUT WHAT WE HARDLY MENTION...

I have heard about two persons (one of them I did not know personally, he was the brother of a good friend) that committed suicide in the last couple of months.  James and Brian. They both hung themselves. One in a closet, the other on tree in his garden. I think they had at least one thing in common: they had lost hope. Hope that their emotional pain would stop. Hope in the beauty of life. Hope that someone would understand their pain. Hope for a change. Hope for serenity.  I have been there too, long ago. When you are in dilemma, when the pain to stay or the pain to go are both unbearable and you think the only way out is to die, you are wrong, there is a solution.  That place is a terrible place to be because when you feel that way, you have a compulsion to act. It is stronger than you. If you act it is just a moment and then you'll change your mind. A moment you will regret if you go ahead with it and you'll survive. Sometimes the physical consequences will be with you fore

WE ARE JUST VEHICLES

 We all wonder what is the purpose of our life; some of us cannot find an answer, people who can only see life as a series of events disconnected from one another, where there is no meaning and there is no way to find the crux of the matter; they stop searching, nothing wrong with it, it is just another way of being. Some others do not bother to know what the purpose of their life is, and if that is it. Again, nothing wrong with it, it is just another way of being. There are others who look for answers. Maybe those who have suffered a lot or are just more sensible, or curious or both. They must have a reason and they need to find a reason. Maybe it is just in their nature to want to know (a little bit like Adam and Eve - some characters of the Bible - that were looking to get to know the secrets of creation). Of those people some find an answer and they settle with it, others find more than one. I am one of those who has been looking for for an answer (quite a lot) and I have found sev

WHY DO WE FIGHT AGAINST ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT WE DO NOT LIKE?

 We are lead to believe that we cannot accept what we do not like. It is true that we do not need to like what we cannot accept. We just accept it, as part of life, as part of our reality, as part of how things are developing in front of us. We ask ourselves why this keep happening to me. Why am I still attracting the same situation over and over again. Where am I blocked. What is that I am trying to avoid?  We objectively look at reality and we decide if we like or not but we do not became bitter for not to accept it. We do not constantly try to change what is impossible to change. The only thing we can change is ourselves. Our actions. Our believes. We became honest and follow our path, regardless of what others think. We are true to ourselves. We are free.  Trying to change the world a people, places and things is just a big waste of our energy. And energy is all we've got. It is limited. It is sacred. We have to decide how to spend our energy. We spend our energy in things we l

MOTIVATIONS, SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIOURS - A FEW WORDS

 We all act, or refrain to act.  Either way we made a decision to move towards something we believe can benefit us, or move away from something we believe will harm us or not benefit us.  Some of us act with self-destructing, self-defeating behaviours. Those of us, sadly, sometimes are aware of their behaviour but unable to change. It is something driving us from inside, like an unstoppable destructive force.  We look at it deploying in front of us, unable to change, like spectators and actors of a tragic movie, we are repeating it over and over again. This causes great pain and in the long term causes a sense of hopelessness that will stop us even from trying to achieve something we desire in the attempt to fulfil our potential. Sometimes it can also cause self-hate, or at least, self-dislike. A sense of not being good enough that is at the origin itself of the self-defeating behaviour. We start believing we are unable to change the course of our life, that we are doomed to failure an

HUMILITY

Humility comes from the knowledge that whatever we are is given to us, our duty is to see who we are, accept with gratitude the gifts we have been given and accept with the same gratitude the gifts we have not been given. To respect our gifts we have to fulfil our potential and this is a 'duty' we have towards ourselves. To fulfil our potential we need tons of humility. Humility to face our fears, and move forward. Humility to accept that the way we see things sometimes is a drawback and it is a way to avoid responsibility, to feel vulnerable, to accept that if we are not able to achieve what we like, we have to try again because we will never find out who we are and which our talents are if we do not try again and again. Humility to accept a 'failure' and try again because the only failure is taking the decision to stop trying. 

IS THE IDEA OF GOD INTRINSIC IN EVERY HUMAN BEING?

The idea of God is intrinsic on every human being. For someone who doubts this affirmation, just imagine to be the only human being in this planet.  In this imaginary world you find yourself alive, adult, you are able to find food and shelter. You grow. You look at nature, at the animals, at the sea, at the stars; you have also ideas and intuitions helping you, for example on how to protect yourself from dangers; you feel alone and look to connect with the world around you, you need to give a sense on your presence in the world, you ask yourself how you got there, how everything around you has a material presence; at night, when you fall asleep and have dreams, your dreams seems very similar to your reality or very different; you start questioning your perception and asking yourself if the reality you are seeing when you are awake (are you really awake or being awake is just another level of consciousness of which you are unaware: are you are living a lucid dream?), is this reality the

WE LIVE, WE CHOOSE, WE ARE, HUMAN

If we are spiritually connected we are naturally part of humanity and we contribute to life, we acknowledge others, we validate them. Sometimes it is enough to exchange a glance with someone, or a smile, or even express connection with just a movement at an energetic level. Nothing more. Nothing to do. It will just happen, like life.   Sometimes it is enough to listen, or to be present. Just present in the Present. Moment. Like life. Like love. Like a story to be told. We live, we choose, we are, human. We choose freedom from the burden of self. We choose humbleness. We choose to leave, or to stay, or just to be, without a choice to be made; just waiting, in a stillness full of movement, since the next thing to happen is already showing us the way. And so we are, human, beings, breathing. A beautiful dance, joy, God, or nothingness. We are the air and the transparency of the light. We are nature, stillness and strength, and we are the stars, too. We are awaken and aware. We are poetry.

WHICH IS THE ROOT OF PERFECTIONISM?

Many of us takes pride to be perfectionists. We strive to be perfect and when we do not achieve perfection, we just try harder, and harder and harder... Perfection can never be achieved from an emotional human being, it is a mirage, it is an illusion like a water lake in the desert. A perfectionist will find it very difficult to achieve what h/she believes is perfection since he will be never happy with his/her perfection and he will be constantly seeking for a better 'perfect perfection' which is a contradiction in terms.  When we strive to be perfect we are trying to cover up our humanity, our imperfections, our flaws of character, we are trying to control our reality and the perception of ourselves to ourselves and others.  We are dishonest.  We are giving out a false image, we are trying to get a better image of ourselves by mirroring ourselves in the image that others have of us and to do so we seek to be perfect, we do not admit any flaws and we present this 'shiny li

WHICH IS THE PURPOSE OR OUR LIFE?

One of the question we always ask ourselves, especially in times when life hits hard on us, when we feel pain or discomfort or the loss of something we wished to happen or the fear of loosing something we have, is 'Why I am in this Planet'? 'Which is the reason I exist?' I am here to express myself, to express life, whatever it is. The higher expression of life is love. I am here to express love. But what is love? Love is passion. The reason I am here is to express love through my passions.  I can be passionate about tennis, a person, literature, having a clean house, be honest, expressing my true self, playing an instrument, laying on a beach in my bikini, eating food with my hands, writing a blog, a poem, helping someone, express the joy I have inside and the pain I have inside when I feel them. This is love. I am here to express love. I am love.  Whenever this ability is taken away from me, whenever the ability to be human is taken away from me, my humanity is taken