Skip to main content


Showing posts from November, 2022


I have heard about two persons (one of them I did not know personally, he was the brother of a good friend) that committed suicide in the last couple of months.  James and Brian. They both hung themselves. One in a closet, the other on tree in his garden. I think they had at least one thing in common: they had lost hope. Hope that their emotional pain would stop. Hope in the beauty of life. Hope that someone would understand their pain. Hope for a change. Hope for serenity.  I have been there too, long ago. When you are in dilemma, when the pain to stay or the pain to go are both unbearable and you think the only way out is to die, you are wrong, there is a solution.  That place is a terrible place to be because when you feel that way, you have a compulsion to act. It is stronger than you. If you act it is just a moment and then you'll change your mind. A moment you will regret if you go ahead with it and you'll survive. Sometimes the physical consequences will be with you fore


 We all wonder what is the purpose of our life; some of us cannot find an answer, people who can only see life as a series of events disconnected from one another, where there is no meaning and there is no way to find the crux of the matter; they stop searching, nothing wrong with it, it is just another way of being. Some others do not bother to know what the purpose of their life is, and if that is it. Again, nothing wrong with it, it is just another way of being. There are others who look for answers. Maybe those who have suffered a lot or are just more sensible, or curious or both. They must have a reason and they need to find a reason. Maybe it is just in their nature to want to know (a little bit like Adam and Eve - some characters of the Bible - that were looking to get to know the secrets of creation). Of those people some find an answer and they settle with it, others find more than one. I am one of those who has been looking for for an answer (quite a lot) and I have found sev