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Showing posts from February, 2023

HOW SHAME AND GUILT ARE CONNECTED

We all feel shame, even those who try to avoid feeling it at all costs. Shame is a good feeling, it helps us understand when we have acted against our values, against what we believe is correct, when we have acted with a behaviour that is not always adhering with the idea of justice, but more connected to what we have been told is 'right' from our family or our culture which generally is reflected in our family belief system and drive our actions. Shame is just blame reversed toward the self. If we stop blaming ourselves for being imperfect (or for having made the same mistake over and over again) we will not feel the shame. Because there is not shame to feel if there is not wrong doing.  The problem then is to analyse which are our values, our beliefs and our actions and if they are really something we 'should' really feel shame for.  For example we could feel shame for 'abandoning someone' when separating from a person, or for not 'being helpful' even