We have travelled outside our comfort zone all our life. We were that kind of person who could not go shopping to the same place twice if the shopkeeper was or seemed aggressive. We were that kind of person feeling suicidal if someone would rise their voice. We were that kind of person who was scared of people getting too close to us, or making an abrupt movement.
This is who we were, and still can be, sometimes, when the trauma rises and the darkness arises.
Our life, our life has been a painful journey towards self liberation. We, who had to become overachievers to show our value. We, who motivated ourselves with a weep and not with compassion or love. We, the ones who are going towards liberation from the inner critic, the toxic shame and nonexistent self-love. We, the ones going from surviving to thriving through grief and pain and more pain.
Our feet are heavy when we move forward but we take one step at a time. We move with faith, it gives us hope. We move with strength, and courage and compassionate perseverance. We respect and accept our pain, it has a purpose now. We feel it, standing in humbleness: it is just another moment of desperation, something familiar for those like us, who were in the rings. And we face it, over and over again, until there will be no more of it, but only bliss.
Sometimes we give up and just cry. Cry over our childhood, over the abandonment and the emotional neglect, over what it could have been and never was, over the death in early years of the people we loved most, over the loss of our childhood, over the loss of our unique potential: our true self.
We and our limits, our invisible scars.
For every step forward we cry of gratitude and joy. We have that ability because we fought to keep our hearts open. We, who love ourselves unconditionally, for who we are now and for what we have been, for our mistakes, for our self-defeating behaviours, for the rage and the desperation of our inner child, for letting others neglect us, over and over again, because it was just familiar.
Sometimes we just rest and watch and accept and breathe. We are becoming the person we were meant to be. We are more authentic than ever. We are free.
[Only recently when the inner critic came out telling me I was disgusting, a new voice came out and said: 'This is not true!'. It took 56 years for that protective voice to come out - Yes, I think it is my father's voice, he is with me again. Good morning, dad, I love you].
If you are like me, I feel for you. You are not alone, we are the thousands, we are the children of God. We are the winners.
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