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Showing posts from January 12, 2022


When I was growing up, for various reasons, including my dad death when I was 14, emotional pain like sadness and grief, was very present in my life. It was such an unbearable pain that automatically I was trying to avoid feeling it by running away from it.   So the pain, the grief and the sadness, became compressed inside me and grow bigger and bigger. My understanding is that when there is too much pain we cover it up with anger because we feel less vulnerable in feeling angry than in pain.   So I used anger as an addiction to avoid feeling the pain. The anger then transformed itself in self-defeating behaviours and the emotional pain was then growing bigger. But when I became aware of the trick I was using I decided to allow myself / to have the courage to feel the pain / the grief that was sitting below the anger.   To do so I had to cry but be careful the tears need to be of grief and sadness and not of self-pity, if I cry out of self pity I do not clean my soul from the pain and