HOW SHAME, JUDGMENT AND FEELING JUDGED ARE CONNECTED

Most of us feel shame, or better said, most of us are able to get in contact with their shame. Some persons don't because the shame they have felt as children was so severe that they've disconnected from their real self and created a fake personality which allowed them to survive without feeling vulnerable again.

Those in this situation have a chance of living a 'real life' if they do a lot of work on themselves, ask for help and find the courage, even at small steps, to accept their humanity and by doing they allow themselves to be in contact with their vulnerability, lose control and accept their drawbacks, and, by being able to stay and feel all those feelings connected with feeling vulnerable as children including shame and guilt without running back to the fake personality which makes them feel safe and untouchable, they are reborn.

Shame, contrary to guilt, is a feeling which entails a negative judgment of oneself, people ridden with shame feel they are bad, worthy of contempt or inadeguate as a person. Shame it is very connected with low self-esteem which is created by having felt shame by having being shamed. People who are unable to get in contact with their own shame project this to others and the chain continues generation after generation.

So as we can see shame is connected with self-judgment that has been sometimes internalised in early days by being subjected to abandonment, psychical, emotional and sometimes sexual abuse. As children we tend to take responsibility for being unloved and we start feeling shameful about ourselves if we are not loved. As children we also internalised our parents or care-takes shame that is sometimes projected into us if our parents or care-takes themselves feel shame and do not recognise it.

So every time we feel that someone is judging us (without saying a word but by just being there) we have to remember that judgment we feel is just a reflection of our own judgment towards ourselves, it is just a reflection of our own shame. In this situation we have to grateful for being able to get in contact with that feeling we want to avoid at all cost.

Oppositely when we encounter someone who is judging us we have to remember that their judgment is just a reflection of their shame that they are unable to feel. Compassion and self protection here are the keys.

Love to all.

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