THE MOST DEBILITATING "SUCCESS BLOCKING" MENTAL STATE IS FEAR OF FAILURE

The most debilitating ‘success blocking’ mental state is the fear of failure.

I love playing tennis, it is my sport, I love the sound of the racket hitting the ball, the feel of the ball on the racket, the precision needed to place the ball where I want, the concentration needed to live in the moment, the fast motion of the legs, the slow motion of the toss of the ball when I serve.

I love being in the zone, my higher self having fun; the rest, the world, people, places and things are in existent. There, on the court it is only me, a ball, a net and a point to be made. One point at the time.

I love tennis, because it is me playing against myself, against my limits, against my fears, it is me who cries yes to life, who experiences the joy of success.

I was 14 when my father died, he died of a heart attack while I was at a tennis camp learning to become unbeatable.

From that moment tennis became my enemy, it became my grief, my loss, it became my fear, my failure. It became my demon.

From that moment I could not play anymore, I was defeated, I was like a ghost, praying to survive, I was just a child asking for protection, asking for a miracle.

Playing tennis became so painful that I had to stop.

Being a winner became so impossible that I broke my left knee so badly that I could never play again for over 20 years.

3 years ago, when I decided that I had enough, that I wanted to play again, that I wanted to feel the grief I never felt, I jogged for 3 weeks every day; I knew the bones in my knee without cartilage would touch one another and they would hurt, hurt so much that I would need a knee replacement.

I had it done, I was the first in the list that morning. The consultant who operated me, Dr Barret, smiled at me before going into the operation chamber. I smiled back and 6 months later I was at a tennis court.

The court was full of demons, as soon as I tried to win I would lose because I was paralysed by fear, fear of success, fear of failure.

I realised that between the two fears, the fear of failure came first. It comes out of insecurity, it comes when we believe that if we fail we fail entirely, that all the value we have as human beings disappears, only because we have lost a point, or a game, or a set, or a match.

The fear of failure is so powerful that it makes us stop doing what we love because the pain of failing becomes unbearable.

I had to learn to lose. Not only a tennis game, but my father again, to lose his love, to lose against God and faith. I had to learn to accept the unacceptable.

It was the most painful learning I have ever experienced, it was a humbling experience that lasted a very long time. Every time I lost a game I had the courage to go back and try again. I built my humbleness.

It is the humbleness that makes me a winner, it is the courage to feel defeated and say to myself: “I have a value, not because I win or lose, but because I am a human being”.

CONNECTED

There is a transparent line, like an umbilical cord that goes from me, my being, my soul towards the world outside and it feels, and perceives it, and we become one. I am connected. I am present now, to this time and space, into this time, into this space. I am time, I am space. I feel it, is it still, like the water of a lake, still, like the full moon in the sky, sometimes, like the air after the snow; in this stillness, and under the surface of everything there is the beauty of life, the emotions, nature, persons and places and my story, who I was and who I am now and who I have been in between, including all the uphill roads and the sprints downhill and the cold air in my face. It all makes all sense now because I am exactly where I want to be and where I allow myself to be and it has always been this way. Dani Tringale Image - "God is in the Air"

HOW HONESTY, FAITH & COURAGE ARE CONNECTED

What does stop us to find the courage to be honest? Fear What is fear? Lack of faith, is the believe past experiences are in our presence, is it an defective interpretation Why do we lack faith? Because we had some experiences where we could not see faith working in our life Why we did not see faith working? Because we were expecting a different outcome, we could not see that that outcome was the only possible one, because it had a reason, for us to see the truth, where we were standing So it did work? Yes, faith works all the time, we just have to try Why some of us cannot see that faith work all the time? They need to build the belief that everything they face is given to them to feel their emotions and release the emotions and be free Once we are doing this work we will know that faith exist and we will see the astonishing beauty in our life

HOW SHAME AND GUILT ARE CONNECTED

We all feel shame, even those who try to avoid feeling it at all costs. Shame is a good feeling, it helps us understand when we have acted against our values, against what we believe is correct, when we have acted with a behaviour that is not always adhering with the idea of justice, but more connected to what we have been told is 'right' from our family or our culture which generally is reflected in our family belief system and drive our actions. Shame is just blame reversed toward the self. If we stop blaming ourselves for being imperfect (or for having made the same mistake over and over again) we will not feel the shame. Because there is not shame to feel if there is not wrong doing. The problem then is to analyse which are our values, our beliefs and our actions and if they are really something we 'should' really feel shame for. For example we could feel shame for 'abandoning someone' when separating from a person, or for not 'being helpful' even

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A LITTLE LONELY LOVE AS BIG AS THE UNIVERSE...

Dani Tringale Image - "Destination" There was a time when I thought I had found the love of my life. It was a wonderful time. It was the most beautiful time of my life. The love time. The joy time. The happy time. The miracles time. The cuddles time. It was the TIME. There was a time when I had found the love of my life. The Love is still there, all the rest is gone. So, now, there is this lonely Love, sitting alone and hoping to be able to give, to caress, to give tenderness and attention and love. What else a little lonely Love, as big as the universe, can do? It is a big love this lonely little love, it is as big as the universe but its breathing is shallow because it tries not to feel the loss of the "love giving crap" that it is so much longing for. It is also longing for a person, a face, their skin and their happiness, it is longing to make them happy and more happy and more happy. It is a stupid sad little Love that has strange ideas and believes in mirac

THE THOUSAND ROADS HE TOOK

He stopped looking at the past with nostalgia. It happened suddenly, a day when he was in his hometown where he grow up as a child, where his memories laid, the ones which we tend to believe are defining who we are and the way we look at the world, the ones which limits us until we became a little more limitless by stepping in the unknown and taking a risk we have never took before. What made him step into the unknown was the pain of the comfort zone, the place where everything repeated itself over and over again, in a trauma cycle of which we all are most unaware of, the place where there is nothing new, but only the past, and the nostalgia. That day, in that moment, nothing in that place meant more to him than what it would mean to anyone else who was not born there and did not have any memories attached to that place. Yes, he loved the Neoclassic buildings and their splendor and their magnificence which he used so many times to feel better about himself; and the sea and the wind, b

MORNING PAGES

My morning pages. My life pages. My journal pages. My wonderful life pages. My grief pages. My losses pages. My spiritual growth pages. My Sweet Topouschetto and All The Others I have loved pages. My no one else yet pages. My who cares anyway pages. My adolescent pages. My Dani the Sweet Peco pages. My Dani Cucciolo pages. My Dani Nella pages. My Love pages. My hate pages. My God pages. My I am strong as a rock and vulnerable as a snow flake pages. My I am free as I have never been before because I love myself realisation pages. My I validate myself pages. My I allow myself to feel and act accordingly pages. My rigorous honestly pages. The miracles pages. My life pages. I still love because love never ends pages. My wishes pages. My stay in the now pages. My past pages. My father's unconditional love for me pages. My mother's desperation pages. My brother's smile pages. My grandfather who saved my life that day pages. My inconsolable inner child tears pages. My inner beauty

11 DAYS OF SILENCE

Dani Tringale Image: "Silence Within" A long time ago I went to Mexico, to visit a cousin who decided to open an Italian restaurant over there. He was in Puerto Escondido which looked like a getto on a beach where hippies and desperadoes met, searching for a solution that was only within, as it always is. It was one of his many failure: the wrong side of things to which he focuses its attention gets always in his way; there are men made that way, they are constitutionally being unable to be honest with themselves. I tried to make him see his reality, but he did not like to hear the truth and he asked me to leave. So I left, and I went to Acapulco. A long time ago, when in Acapulco, I did not speak with anyone for 11 days. When I was in silence, after 3 or 4 days, the voice in my head stopped too and then, after experiencing silence for the first time, I became aware silence was not so silent because you can hear it; it has a particular sound, the sound of silence, of con

LITTLE RED HOOD & THE WOLF - A MODERN STORY OF OUR TIMES

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood met the Wolf. The Wolf was masked as a Sheep and Little Red Riding Hood, who never met a Sheep before (or a Wolf) could not recognise the difference between a Sheep and a Wolf. The Sheep was very sweet with her and Little Red Riding Hood found the sheep adorable and she fell in love with him immediately as Little Red Riding Hood generally do being very naive and needy of love and attention. Little Red Riding Hood was very loving and caring, and loved the Sheep fragility and the unconditional love the Sheep showed her at the beginning; later in the years, Little Red Riding Hood fall in love and learned to accept all the character defects of the Sheep, including his older age, his unawareness and the inability to to self reflect and his disproportionate reactions when he was pointed out some drawbacks. During that period little Red Riding Hood thought and wanted to believe that the Sheep was sweet and that the Sheep wanted the best for her as much

MY FRIEND MARIA, THE ONE WHO COULD NOT SAY A SINGLE NO

Maria couldn't say no. She was stuck in the trauma cycle of her upbringing, of the critical voices she heard and of the shame and guilt she felt when she tried to change. Maria was a product of the ignorance of what it takes to raise a free and an happy child. Someone who is validated and loved. In her childhood Maria received what her parents received and what their parents received too and so on until the beginning of times: invalidation, and nullification; she was just a recipient where her parents discarded all their guilt and shame they could not feel. Maria could not say no. She was a lost soul. Long time ago when she was a child she had to choose to abandon and negate herself to receive the attachment needed to survive, to receive a little bit of love, just enough to be able to survive. My sweet sweet friend Maria. Maria was a victim of unawareness and desperation. In the long term she forgot who she was and became a persona, a facade where from she could face a pseudo li

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