When I was growing up, for various reasons, including my dad death when I was 14, emotional pain like sadness and grief, was very present in my life. It was such an unbearable pain that automatically I was trying to avoid feeling it by running away from it.
So the pain, the grief and the sadness, became compressed inside me and grow bigger and bigger.
My understanding is that when there is too much pain we cover it up with anger because we feel less
vulnerable in feeling angry than in pain.
So I used anger as an addiction to avoid feeling the pain. The anger then transformed itself in
So I used anger as an addiction to avoid feeling the pain. The anger then transformed itself in
self-defeating behaviours and the emotional pain was then growing bigger. But when I became aware of the trick I was using I decided to allow myself / to have the courage to feel the
pain / the grief that was sitting below the anger.
To do so I had to cry but be careful the tears need to be of grief and sadness and not of self-pity,
To do so I had to cry but be careful the tears need to be of grief and sadness and not of self-pity,
if I cry out of self pity I do not clean my soul from the pain and I end up instead in growing the
anger.
It was a process and it still is. Sometime when I feel hurt the anger comes still first, but then most
It was a process and it still is. Sometime when I feel hurt the anger comes still first, but then most
of the time tears just come out and once I have express the grief the pain disappears. To overcame emotional pain we have to feel it. The more we feel it the less we will feel it in the future because we have washed it away.