WHAT IS DISCIPLINE? HOW IS IT CONNECTED WITH THE APPLICATION OF SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES?

When I was young - until I was around more or less 34 - I did not have any discipline. I would start something and if I did not have almost immediate results I would give it up, just to start something new.

I have reflected on that behaviours (or habits of behaviour) several times and I realised a few reasons were the cause of my lack of discipline:

1. I could not find any pleasure in what I was doing. Why? Because I was not enjoying the process since the only reason I was starting something was to obtain a result, an end goal. I was not going to play tennis to have fun but I was going to play tennis to reach a better level, I was not reading a book for knowledge in itself but to show off my knowledge, et etc… There was no one single thing I was doing for the simple pleasure of doing it in that moment only. I was acting projected in the future and refusing to enjoy my present.

2. I was always questioning my abilities and I was never happy with my capabilities of the moment. Again the pleasure of doing things was obscured by my need of being (or feeling) better than I was.

3. I was devoured by perfectionism. So if what I was doing was not perfect, it did not have any value and I would dismiss it.

4. I was always asking myself it this what I really want to do? Not knowing for certain I would give it up, instead of knowing that if I was driven to do something instinctively it meant I liked it and wanted to do more of it.

Which were the spiritual principles I was missing in all those occasions?:

Point 1: I was trying to prove myself, I was acting with a sense of grandiosity (typical of the ‘facade’) to reach a goal and feel good about myself. My motives were not honest.

Point 2: I did not apply any acceptance of my limits as a human being.

Point 3: I was trying to cover up the shame I felt for not being perfect (shame no one ought to feel since perfection is just an ideal) by trying the impossible (being perfect) and blaming myself for not being so (lack of love towards myself) and living in fear

Point 4: I was not being humble to accept that what we feel instinctively pull towards to shows us the way in life, I did not apply the spiritual principle of letting go.

So there is no discipline, but only pleasure, if we follow pleasure we will have ‘discipline’ (this another of the millions paradox of life).

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