He stopped looking at the past with nostalgia. It happened suddenly, a day when he was in his hometown where he grow up as a child, where his memories laid, the ones which we tend to believe are defining who we are and the way we look at the world, the ones which limits us until we became a little more limitless by stepping in the unknown and taking a risk we have never took before. What made him step into the unknown was the pain of the comfort zone, the place where everything repeated itself over and over again, in a trauma cycle of which we all are most unaware of, the place where there is nothing new, but only the past, and the nostalgia.
That day, in that moment, nothing in that place meant more to him than what it would mean to anyone else who was not born there and did not have any memories attached to that place. Yes, he loved the Neoclassic buildings and their splendor and their magnificence which he used so many times to feel better about himself; and the sea and the wind, both creeping up in the night and hurling back to him his pain of knowing how little and vulnerable he was. Apart from that Trieste was just a place, like many others he had visited and known. Just a place that would survive him, and all of us.
When he stopped looking at the past with nostalgia the present suddenly became more real because it was the only truth, the only one he could experience of course, one of the many, the only he could perceive, because it was just a reflection of his spiritual condition; standing solidly in his reality he came to the conclusion that all the life that passed in front of him didn't really matter because what happened to him was all the same, just some happenings from which he had either the chance to grow spiritually and became free, or not.
This was, and had always been his only choice and his only real free will. All the rest, was one of the many delusions he created and believed in, to keep the denial going and keep God away from him so he could feel some power, and control over his fragile human condition and the fear of death, and the sufferings of this humanity, who, only through surrender to pain and to a thousand tears, can find joy and meaning.
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